Agreeing On The Parenting Plan

A divorced mother and father who want to avoid a major custody battle must be willing to work together on the parenting plan.

Most custody situations don’t have to be terrible. Of course, there are countless stories about mothers and fathers who spend years in court and who can never agree on the custody arrangements. Unfortunately, these stories are true and many people go through this. Fortunately, divorced and separated parents have another option.

The alternative to the custody battle is for parents to work together on their parenting plan. Even though this can be difficult, many parents find that getting through the challenges are worth it in the long run. Here are some suggestions for how to work with the other parent on the parenting plan.

How to Begin the Parenting Plan

To begin the process of working with the other parent, the mother or father should talk with the other parent and set some expectations. For example, a parent might say “I want to come up with the best possible arrangements for our children and avoid a costly legal battle. I am willing to commit the necessary time and energy to make this happen. Would you be willing to make the same commitment?”

Some parents may feel like this puts them in a vulnerable position, but that isn’t true. It actually helps the other parent feel more secure about the custody situation and he or she will be more likely to go along with the plans. When the parents discuss this and both agree to aim for a positive end result, they are both more willing to work through the challenges and issues.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Working on the Parenting Agreement

Once both parents agree to work together, the mother and father need to do some individual work. Both parents should write down their top priorities for the plan. These are the things that the parents will not compromise on. The list should focus on principles and not on specifics. For example, instead of a parent demanding fifty percent of the time, the parent should require that each parent has significant time with the children.

The mother and father should set up a time to meet every week or so. Some parents find that it works better to meet more often, and other parents need more time between meetings. These meetings should have a specific beginning and end time, and the time should only be used to talk about the parenting plan. Other topics should be discussed at a different time.

Resources for Agreeing on the Parenting Plan

As parents work together, they may find that they need some additional resources to help them. If the mother and father have a lot of disagreements, they may want to consider going to child custody mediation. In mediation, a neutral third party will sit down with the parents and discuss the best possible plan for them and the children.

Parents can also look into using a parenting plan template, or child custody software. Both of these resources guide parents through each section of the plan and it can help them work together. Parents can also look for divorce support groups and other help online.

Ultimately, parents should be reassured that it is possible to create a plan that the mother and father both approve. The child custody situation doesn’t have to be nasty, and each parent can have a voice in the custody arrangements. The parents should begin by discussing their intentions, and then they should meet regularly to make the plan. They can also seek out additional resources to help them get through the process.