How To Avoid A Toddlers Temper Tantrum

Understanding why a toddler throws temper tantrums helps make it easier to avert one. Children usually have fits out of frustration because they cannot understand why they are denied what they want. Sometimes, they are aggravated by their own limitations in language or physical ability. Other times, they are upset when adults put up obstacles.

Wise parents to use every incident as a learning experience. Teach your toddler about choices and how using his or her words and behaviour will help them achieve their goals. Even young toddlers can understand simple reasoning. When a child is given choices, they are less likely to throw a fit out of frustration.

Intervene before the Tantrum Erupts

Attempt to distract them with something more appealing. Nearly all tantrums can be avoided with simple distraction. Toddlers have a very short attention span and are easy to distract with a funny face or new activity. Use a happy tone of voice to direct their attention to something else. “Look at this! What colour is this?”

Attempt to lessen their frustration by helping them communicate. Use visual cues in addition to language so they will add more words to their vocabulary and increase their ability to communicate. Show them an apple and a banana, for example, and ask, “Do you want an apple or banana?”

Explain and repeat the options clearly and slowly. “Do you want to sit nicely and colour a picture OR do you want to sit in your room to settle down?” “Use your quiet voice and you can have…”

Explain why they can’t have or do what they want but then offer something they CAN have, preferably a choice of two things. “You had a treat already. You can have some grapes or cheese.” “That is Joey’s toy. Do you want your car or your drum?”

Encourage speech development. Use this opportunity to teach your toddler to use words to achieve their goals and to communicate their needs. Speak slowly and clearly and ask them to repeat, “Please may I have…?” “Thank you.” “Do you want the red ball or the blue ball?”

In public, don’t allow your child to pitch a fit. It isn’t fair to others and it is showing your child that there is no such thing as polite public behavior. Teach your child that if they behave, they can accompany you on outings. Otherwise, they stay home or with a neighbour. Period. Be sure you make going out in public seem like a very desirable, grown-up thing to do. 

Make it clear early on that if they throw a temper tantrum, they get nothing. No rewards.

Giving in to a Tantrum-throwing Child

Never give in to a child’s demands once they are throwing a fit. They will learn that throwing a tantrum is an effective way to get what they want and they will repeat this often. However, before they lapse into the tantrum, if their desires are reasonable, consider letting them have what they want. Toddlerhood is filled with enough denials.

The Risks of Bribing a Child

Every parent has resorted to bribing a child to stop a tantrum but has lived to regret it. Tantrum time is a great learning opportunity for a child and if you bribe them, the lessons are not good:

• You’re teaching them to trade good behaviour for stuff. They need to learn that good behaviour is expected. It shows respect to parents and teachers. It is courtesy to other people when out in public. Good behavior is not currency to be withheld or traded.
• They’ll learn to hold out for better deals. When they see that you will offer them anything to stop their tantrum, they will turn down smaller prizes and hold out for the big stuff. It might seem harmless to trade them a candy bar to stop crying now but as they get older, they will demand toys and electronics.

If you don’t have anything they want, you have nothing to bargain with during the next temper tantrum.

Throwing tantrums is a part of the development process as toddlers learn how to deal with their emotions and limitations. Avert tantrums by providing choices for your toddler and using simple distraction. Use each incident as a learning opportunity and your toddler will pass through the temper tantrum phase quickly while becoming secure in their ability to influence their world through positive behaviour.

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